Not that long ago, I escaped from an abusive man. I spent four years being incessantly tormented at the hands of a monster. Over time he isolated me from everyone I knew, and the violence escalated out of control. When I finally did leave, it as after an entire night of being beaten (open hands, fists, and multiple objects), threatened with weapons he didn’t use, and chased around the apartment with knives. Something in me snapped as he had the nerve to mock my fear, which I rarely allowed myself to display, as it would enrage him even further.
The morning after this all started, I walked out of the apartment for the last time. All I made it out of the house with were the clothes on my back and whatever happened to be in my purse at the time. He repeatedly called me at work that morning, at least twenty times, trying to get me to come home from work early. I had a meltdown at my desk; I felt trapped, and I had to escape. If I went home that day, I knew would never get out. I used the only option I had left: my voice. It took over four years to break that silence, but once I pulled my supervisor aside, I could not keep anything in. And the rest, as they say, is history.
What follows here will be my journey through the aftermath as I pick up the pieces of my life. Occasionally, there will be links and informational posts included.
I do want to make a plea to everyone who may read this. First to those who are suffering through this in silence, find someone to reach out to. It is not going to go away! You cannot fix it, because it is not your fault. Burning dinner, going to the store, breaking a glass (or any other excuse he tries to come up with, including a bad day at work or being under pressure) is not a justification for him putting his hands on you. Truthfully, there is nothing you could say or do that would ever even remotely justify the abuse.
Second, if you know, or even so much as suspect that someone you know is being abused, reach out to them and ask them if they are okay, when the person you suspect is not around. Even if they do not divulge this information to you initially, they may come to you for help later on if they know there is someone willing to help them. Do not confront the abuser. There will be retribution for this, I promise you!
Why would we be punished for you confronting our abusers? Simple: for not maintaining the silence and trying to undermine his control. Our abusers will punish us even if they think you know something, so tread lightly.