Image courtesy of vudhikrai at http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/Waterfalls_g93-Waterfall_In_Spring_Season_p35561.html
When is the last time I felt like this? Don’t dwell on it too long or question it. Time is not a luxury I have to waste on negativity. It will only erode the peace that I have finally started to rebuild inside. I remember it from a long time ago, an old friend that I lost track of and thought I had lost forever, buried somewhere under the rubble of the last several years. Really, it feels like it is far further in the past than it truly is.
You spend your life building yourself into who you are. Then it seems like all your effort, time, energy, and forethought is obliterated and pulverized into dust at the hands of an agent of destruction who appears in the form your abuser. Your life lies shattered, decimated, and you are thrown into an abyss of pain, isolation, and silent suffering. The peace you held so dear, even if you were unaware of how vital it was at the time, has been ripped away.
You struggle, resist, cower, suffer, cry. Forgiveness comes; anger and terror steal it away. The cycle repeats. Soon the forgiveness vaporizes, and you suffer, alone in silence, fearing for your life. Fearing the pain. You begin to entreat and petition: Jehovah give me strength. The monster manifests again and you beg and implore: Jehovah, please do not abandon me. The demon pushes further, and you are desperate: Jehovah, spare my life.
Your peace and security are gone. What would you do to get it back? All you have to do is leave. How easy it sounds, but the application of this is nearly impossible. It’s time for you to go. Face the situation you are in: you are in danger if you leave, but you will die if you stay. Jehovah, take my hand and get me out of the darkness.
What does the above have to do with the image? Today was a long day, but I was blessed to have another good one. Early morning association with a compassionate, loving, jovial, and charmingly quirky crowd. Followed by an afternoon of the same. Continued on into the evening when plans changed and a couple showed up at my friend’s intending to stay for only a minute. This turned into visiting, and then dinner, and the more visiting. Jokes. Stories. Laughter… Was that me laughing? No nervously watching the clock waiting for those menacing calls. No distraction, no awkward silence, no rush to leave. No fear or dread of what was to come.
What is this feeling in my heart? Vaguely familiar, yet somehow changed. Believe it or not, I actually I had to kick this thought around in my head before I could come up with the answer. The answer is what I see in this picture: peace, comfort, security.
He was listening all along. Jehovah gave me strength, never left my side, and grabbed firmly ahold of my hand, and led me out of the darkness, sparing far more than just my life.