Lately, I have been hit with an endless barrage of little things from who I used to be before Kevin. Some days I am okay with this, and others… well other days it just sets me off. Invariably, they also come with Pre and Post abuse tags so I can remove or alter their position in my personal inventory as I see fit. Certain songs in particular are difficult to hear, because several of them are permanently tainted by what he liked to call “fights.” So, of course, I have decided the best way to get rid of those triggers is to obsessively listen to them until I don’t feel anything anymore. And it is sad to say, there were apparently countless songs that I stopped listening to because he didn’t see their relevance. Every time I hear one of them, this little light goes off in my head, and I remember …. “I liked this song!”
The newest one came today when some of the girls at work and I went out to lunch. We drove past a little farmer’s market (can’t wait for them to open, the grocery stores are atrocious), and I thought about sunflowers they used to have growing on one side of the building. At that moment, I had a random hope that I could disappear into a sea of bright yellow sunflowers….. “Oh duh! I used to like them, too!”
What is this about anyway? You think at this point, the smallest things would be easy! Somehow, they are turning out to be not so much. And the things that should be hardest are not even an issue.
I wish there was a reset button around here someplace.