8 comments on “Why Vulnerability is So Hard (for Me) After Domestic Violence

  1. involving yourself later with spiritually awake souls will help with your issues. Spiritually awake people do awake things. Violence and hurting people is done by sleeping souls. Going to church doesn’t always make one awake. I feel your pain in your words..

    • First of all, welcome to my blog, and thank you for your comment.

      I owe a lot of my healing to Jehovah, my congregation, and Kerwyn. I was given what I needed when I needed it, and I know that without it, I would be much worse off.

      • Very good! Put your trust in The Lord and you will be just fine. No matter what God deals you. What appears to be good or bad.

  2. 10 years back, I had closed myself emotionally as I was too devastated and did not want to add more hurt.I was not even an iota of what I really am for three or four years. I was too afraid to open myself to any emotion. I wish hiding somewhere within could solve things but it does not.

    But slowly and gradually, you become who you are when right people enter your life and give you the confidence to trust your self; trust that you can handle anything.

    Just keep yourself opened to new experiences and eventually you will forget all your pain and hurt.

    Always remember, change is constant.

    • Why, Deepa, are you implying I exercise patience? 🙂 I have to admit that it is not one of my strengths, especially in the instance where it is my actions affecting the one who is most dear to me. While Kerwyn is patient and understanding with me, I don’t believe that I should still allow the fact he knows where it’s coming from become a catch-all excuse for me. After all, he isn’t the one who abused me. And also, I know that if I didn’t have Kerwyn in my life, things would not be going along so well with me now; he has been a major part of my healing. He knows what I need and when, and he just does it. Most of the time I am at peace inside, but when certain things that were a constant form of extreme stress associated with Kevin’s behavior arise, I go nuts inside, and I desperately want to just crawl out of my skin.

      I guess an example would be how busy Kerwyn can be. There are short periods of time where he has so much going on that I don’t get to speak to him much. If it’s a few days, I am fine, but anything beyond that just doesn’t work. I am still at the point where I associate it with having to chase Kevin around when he was out running the streets for days on end, ignoring my calls, turning his phone off so I couldn’t contact him, and being missing in action. And Kerwyn’s life is so opposite to that. But even though I know this, and that he loves me, it still pushes that button.

      That hurts me, because Kerwyn is probably one of the most kind, patient, compassionate, loving men on this earth. He may say that I am making a bigger deal out of it than I need to, but that just isn’t how I see it. And this, and the super busy weekend we both had are kind of what prompted this post.

      Thank you for advice, Deepa 🙂

    • The worst things I struggle again are patience with myself, forgiving myself for “allowing” this to happen to begin with, and vulnerability. At least in my case, I do have Kerwyn in whom I can trust with my most private emotions and thoughts… even if I do forget sometimes when the neurosis kicks in. He’s a dear, dear man, he is, and I am blessed. 🙂

      I think this trouble with accepting and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is what really drives survivors of abuse to so intensely seek out and connect with each other. Even when we face all the shame and humiliation from those who judge why we stayed and how we ended up there to begin with, we can drop all pretenses with each other, laying bare all our fears, doubts, and insecurities, and just listen, support, and help each other heal.

  3. Yes, be patient and be a little kind to yourself. You can’t escape the fact that you are deeply hurt within and it will show in your behavior in certain instances. Don’t blame yourself for it. You are a nice person.

    I am sure Kerwyn understands that and is trying to help you. Just give him your true reactions in return. It is okay to feel insecure or any other negative emotion,but there are many productive ways to communicate that.

    I promise you that a day will come when you will be above all this. Till then, be kind to your soul and ask for help.

    Lots of love!

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