6 comments on “Restoring Collapsed Bridges after Domestic Violence: The Rift is Real

  1. My heart is breaking for you. BUT you are safe and sometimes (most times) those that have not been in our position will never understand. Unlike Al-Anon there are not any support groups for the family and friends of survivors. But you have all of us online-of course it does not take the place of a physical hug or a literal shoulder to cry on but we understand you-we understand your enthusiasm at seeing a beautiful sunflower(beautiful image by the way), we understand that sometimes sitting quietly is all you need. Hugs and a shoulder being sent your way.

    • No support groups… maybe someone should change that. I have actually been kicking an idea around that I have discussed on more than one occasion with Kerwyn. He is a good listener and has a knack for thinking of things I haven’t considered, so when he advises me on something, I pretty much put a lot of weight in it and try to follow as closely as circumstances allow. This has crossed my mind on more than one occasion, but I have not run this past him yet. I am sure he would be supportive of this as well. He’s pretty awesome like that. 😉 My most recent thought was about going into advocacy for disabled / hard-of-hearing / visually impaired victims and survivors. For all the system does not know how to handle, disablilities just multiply it.

      I have to say, I think my words are stronger than I intended them to be interpretted. I am not in a sad or despondent state, but this disconnect from my family and old friends is definitely an issue that keeps causing contention within me. Part of me wants to fix it, but the other half that was harmed via things they did or said when I pratically begged them not to have not been what I would call an encouragement to be more consistent in trying to fill in the rift. Another part of me knows that I am not the same and I never will be. There is nothing wrong with this, because the trauma has irrevocably impacted me. It isn’t so much that I have changed that is the issue but how I choose to handle it and move forward with into the future. That’s the hard part… because I still have so much to learn about who Amy is. The Amy of yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is not yet here. Did I mention I am not patient? This also doesn’t help. Kerwyn has to remind me of this often as well and lovingly reassures me that in time, these things, too, will work themselves out, obviously contingent on the fact that I do what I need to do and do it consistently. It seems that a part of working myself out is going to go hand in hand with helping others find safety, stability, and peace within themselves as well.

      Please don’t worry about sadness or despair or anything like that. I forget that the words I deliberately use for things I see in my mind are more descriptive than a lot of people have the callous for. It’s always been like this. I know many people who have an issue mentally picturing things that they read, but a fault of mine has always been that I have a very vivid translation of written word to visual imagery. And for me when I write, it flows out that way as well as in. I think I need to take this into consideration in the future that it can be overpowering to others so it doesn’t cause anyone undue concern. You are not the first person to bring this to my attention.

      Awesome sunflower 🙂 I think they are my favorite!

      • Please do not ever apologize. I love your posts. I can see and feel what you are going through. I have been working with 180 about starting a group for family and friends. It is an area that is neglected and the spot needs to be filled.

        • You know, it isn’t dealing with the same thing you are trying to accomplish, but there was a video I posted to my blog that I thought you would find encouraging. It’s in the same vein, although geared toward helping survivors of domestic violence get their bearings, find their voice, and move forward in their lives using the arts as a vehicle to accomplish this. I put it up a while ago, and I know how difficult it is to have time to go back through and read older posts on new blogs as I subscribe. So here is the link. Maybe you will find it useful for 180 for examples of things they can use in their aim to help victims of domestic violence as well.


  2. When I read what you write, you come across as a sane and rational person, which strikes me as rather miraculous considering what you’ve been through. Best wishes with healing.

    • Thank you for the comment. I have to say, however, I did not come out of this unscathed, as I have a few neurotic tendencies now. I have been trying to keep them at bay, as I realize that they are completely attached to the abuser, and they accomplish absolutely nothing except stressing me out.

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