13 comments on “Just a Day in the Life: Onward I Go

    • Eventually, I prefer to work full time, but for the interim, this is still helping. I have been kicking around other ideas I would like to pursue but I am not in the position to actually do it yet.

  1. You are amazing! I absolutly love that you are going to volunteer! It is a blessing that you are going to give back! I have been playing with the idea of being a volunteer at the Police Station as a DV advocate when a call comes in. I am moving in a few months so maybe in my new town. Brava my love, Brava!

    • Bah, I am just doing what I need to do, for myself and others. I have been thinking about doing this for a long time… technically I have been kicking the idea around since not that long after I started the blog. Just because I cannot yet put into action what I want to do doesn’t mean I can’t volunteer in the meantime. A big issue in my county is *shelter* for dv victims. I know when I left, the advocate at my job was actually looking into other counties. It makes it so hard here.

      I think volunteering at the PD would be a wonderful thing. The departments are usually filled with male officers, and I think it’s best to have a female advocate. I can’t imagine the first person I told being a man. I don’t know how I would have ever got enough nerve to say it.

      • I know thats what I was told as to why they are actually supposed to ask you if you would like an advocate there-I of course did not get that option, but the Police Officer that I spoke to was pretty nice. But it was so uncomfortable when I had to show the bruises and cuts and scrapes on my back…If I could avoid someone else from going through that I would be happy-and I am sure it would be comforting to let someone know- I get it because I was in the same position not that many years ago.

        • I think it sounds kind of snobby of me, but unless someone has been through intimate partner violence or any form of abuse, they don’t need to be advising me on what to do and how I should heal. For it to be beneficial for me, I had to talk to someone who has been through it. That isn’t to say that psychologists and counselors who *haven’t* been through it don’t care, they just truly don’t understand. It’s always easier to reveal the secret and the pain to someone who has experienced it. Not only does it show them that there is someone who is going to listen to them without judging, blaming, or making them think they are crazy, they can also have proof that it will get better… even if that does take time.

        • Hey, I just had an afterthought. Have you seen the documentary Sin By Silence? I have only been able to find a clip on youtube and the website for the documentary. It’s about women in prison advocating against domestic violence. I thought if I could see the whole thing, I might be able to refer it to you for maybe 180 to screen to the women there. Let me know. I might end up seeing if I can just order it.

  2. Onward and upward! Your outlook on life, your spirit, and your pluck (in this case, the ability to stare adversity in the face and smile) definitely works in your favor. Granted, some days are more challenging than others, but you’re definitely in a better place than even just a few months ago. That’s a good thing!

    Advocacy seems a definite part of your future. I had no doubt about that, and you’re embracing that role more and more each day. Naturally, if I can help in any way as you walk down that path, I’ll happily do so! 🙂

    • Does me being “in a better place” include episodes of neurosis? 🙂 Some days, I feel like I have to work so much harder to keep the Kevin-induced crazy from coming out of the closet. It’s disconcerting that it even was an issue to begin with, but I hope it’s under control a little more consistently!

      As for advocacy, I was probably always bound to be headed in that direction, even if I didn’t realize it at the end of February when I first started the blog here. I have no interest in activism and lobbying, because I truly feel that won’t change until the current air that is so overwhelmingly pervasive in this world is removed. Additionally, I do not believe that any amount of legislation will ever erase this; abusers will be abusers will be abusers. I feel my attention is better focused toward helping victims get out of their abusive relationships so they can first get to safety, take care of the legal steps they need to handle, and then focus on rebuilding their lives, getting stability, and healing.

      When you first leave, you are not thinking clearly enough to be able to figure out on your own everything that needs to be taken care of. The fear and emotional distress is too prohibitive, and you truly need someone who has experienced it themselves to help navigate your way through the mess and destruction. The victims’ focus should be on salvaging and rebuilding themselves, NOT procedure. I know I didn’t care about procedure. My brain told me I needed to focus on myself, and that’s why I contacted two advocates, one specifically to advise on criminal issues.

      With as many of us survivors there are working as advocates, there is still unfortunately an overwhelming need for many more. And you know me well enough to know that I am thin-skinned when it comes to others’ suffering, and I refuse to leave them to themselves to figure it out on their own.

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