4 comments on “When men are battered

    • Most people *don’t* think men can be abused. It’s almost like they think the man should just be able to toss her against a wall and show her who’s boss… which is clearly wrong. They also forget about violence perpetrated in sane sex relationships. However, these men clearly had the awareness to state that it was wrong and took note of his emotional state. And they proceeded to have a debate of sorts amongst themselves. And who knows if they were speaking loud enough for others to hear. The fact it took them by surprise should be an excuse for the choices they made.

      Just as people tend to forget that men can be victims, I tend to forget that not everyone lives in “Amy-land,” so I can’t or shouldn’t expect people to react the same way I do. 🙂 I’m still working on that one.

      • oh girl, we all do that. everyone tends to get upset when someone doesn’t react the same way they do, especially when they are passionate about something 😉
        I think maybe those men just felt out of place hearing that happen to another man. Maybe they were “brainstorming” because it was so new and awkward for them to experience. I mean let’s face it, if it was happening to a woman and they stepped in, they would look like “heroes”. But when it’s happening to a man, and he is already being emasculated, especially in public, how would it make them and him look if they stepped in.
        i’m not saying it’s right, but I think that was their angle…

  1. A strong reminder that abusers come in all forms…and genders. I thought Mr. Johnson presented a thought provoking and eye-opening view of both the victim and potential assisters. When I read about the discussion the three gentlemen had at the table, I appreciated their frustration and confusion. I got the sense that their discussion of why the abused man would allow the abuse to happen was not a way of accusing him (although that was certainly possible; Mr. Johnson didn’t explain the rationale behind their conversation, so this is purely conjecture) but rather a means of understanding the mental state of the abused in order to best assist. As mentioned, an abused man may not simply brush off help by passively saying “it’s alright, we’re just talking.” He might physically rise to the challenge of ‘protecting his manhood’ since those trying to assist now present socially acceptable targets for his frustration, especially if those assisting are male. After all, who would fault such a person for ‘protecting his woman,’ especially if other onlookers did not hear the full conversation?

    None of the above excuses inaction, but it does highlight the unique challenges facing male victims of domestic abuse and those who would assist them. Perhaps more than female victims, it’s likely male abuse sufferers perceive assistance as a challenge rather than an aid, making it even more dicey for those who want to help. Thankfully, Mr. Johnson’s friend offered support with the simple phrase, “Be strong, brother.” Perhaps that was the best help to offer in the moment. Could they have done more without inflicting further damage on an already fragile ego, thus further eroding the victim’s self worth? I’d love to hear more from others on that point.

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