2 comments on “Boxed in or Caged Up: The Effects of the PTSD Stuck in My Head

  1. I have just been diagnosed with PTSD. I hate that it is just another label to put on the damage of being in an abusive relationship. Even though I have been out since June 2013, I still feel trapped. I see the destruction and every abusive incident all throughout my house. I feel like I am in a cage still with my thoughts, memories, and nightmares. I hate it. I try to stay as busy as possible through writing my blog, talking with young people about DV, working at the local shelter where I live and then doing other things that i hope and pray will take my mind of my experience. Somehow it is just always there. Thank you for this blog – it really hit home for me. Rebecca

    • Well, you could look at it as a label, but I prefer to think of it as something tangible that proves the crazy isn’t because I am just off my rocker. It is from damage and trauma. You almost have to put a specific name to it, because otherwise, your mind would wander off into the “maybe it was my fault” trap again, and that is hard to fight. This way, I know what it is, I know what it is from, and I know I am not the only one who has it. Now if that could just erase the symptoms, I’d be golden!

      Fortunately for me, I do not live in the places I was abused, so I do not have that to try to reconcile on top of everything else. I imagine that holds you hostage far longer, and I am sorry that you have to heal through that. But, I do look at objects differently. You see a vase, a stereo… I see projectiles. You see a tire iron in the trunk, a 2 x 4, a baseball bat, I see an instrument of brutal punishment. You see chopsticks, a broken plast hanger to discard, I see his pushers for his crack stem. You see pyrex and mugs, I see things people use to cook drugs. You see an empty insulin vial, I see a makeshift torch her made with rubbing alcohol, toilet paper, and the burner on the stove one day when his lighter died. I never used, but I was trapped with a ravenous addict who brought all kinds of addicts through the door.

      It’s crazy the thoughts these things bring to mind. But they do eventually lessen over time, even though it takes way longer than we have patience for.

      Thank you for your comment. When I get home, I will stop by your blog and take a look around. I wish you the best. So happy for you that you are out of the relationship. Just persevere throught this part. The rocky road eventually smoothes itself out.

      In love and support,
      Amy

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