4 comments on “En Garde: Norman Bates, Version 2.0

  1. God Amy, I am so sorry that you were ever subjected to such a monster. Stay strong and believe in yourself, you will always be questioned by the doubters. Thinking of you xx

    • Thank you for your comment. While it would have been awesome to not have to endure what I did, I have to say I like who I am now, minus the neurotic garbage I have to deal with in my head. I had to fight hard to survive him that’s for sure, but survive him I did. And now the rest of you are “blessed” with me! (I am not sure that is always a good thing LOL)

  2. Ah, triggers. They are such a pain in the ass. Ones like you mention are pretty bad (the pics, I mean), but I think the worse ones are those you don’t even realize are triggers.

    Trigger warning

    For the longest time, after Christine crack my skull with a cast iron skillet, those were a trigger. I couldn’t even hear the term without silently freaking out. But, that’s an obvious one. The unknown trigger for me turned out to be eggs themselves. This one didn’t hit until after I left, and took me five years to move past. Which sucked, because I love eggs. Yet, for those years, I couldn’t even smell them without flashing back to finding myself on the kitchen floor, and no idea how I got there; feeling my head itch, reaching to scratch, feeling my head give like a sponge and bringing back a handful of blood.

    End trigger

    I feel your pain, Marie, and I’m so glad you got out. As long as you remember that what you experienced was not your fault, that you are a good person, and you deserve to be treated with love, respect, dignity, and as a human, you should be able to begin putting this behind you. I’m cheering you on.

    • It’s funny you should bring up a cast iron skillet. Kevin wanted one but I always refused to buy one. I saw it as just one more thing he’d use as weapon on me somewhere down the line. I don’t think the eggs is such an odd trigger. We all have very strong emotions attached to these memories, and some are capable of lying dormant, almost non-existent, until one more day we go to do something and then freak out.

      I am okay with most foods, but I discovered for a while after I left this past December that if I smelled peppers and onions cooking in a skillet, I automatically became paranoid about Kevin. It isn’t even so much that anything in particular happened where they were immediately present, but he was a fiend for sautéed peppers and onions. He put them in everything. I would fine, but as soon as I smelled them, I’d get a huge knot in my stomach as I felt a panic attack come on. Actually, red sauces, too… Always with him. I still won’t eat red sauce or cooked peppers and onions. This also happened when I heard someone’s phone go off and it had ring tone.

      I can totally see how smelling eggs would be a huge trigger for you… Look what she did! I can’t even imagine. Left you lying there. She should meet Kevin. They could be besties forever and always. He told me a story once about when he was in high school. He was out in the parking lot during lunch with a kid he didn’t like, and he bashed the kid’s head against the bumper of the car, hard enough to knock him out, and he just left him there. And he LAUGHED about it.

      Monsters. There really are monsters, they just don’t hide in the closet like everyone fears as a child. It’s even worse than that. They walk around in public and most people would never know, never suspect, and the only ones who do know are never believed or taken seriously when they try to tell. The worst thing is that they are under everyones’ noses in plain sight.

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