8 comments on “Another Side of Domestic Violence: Verbal and Emotional Abuse

  1. Great explanation. So many of us go through this and then re-experience another form of abuse by others who don’t understand what we have been through because they don’t see its insidious nature. It is too hard to explain the drip drip drip of passive aggressive chinese water torture – the abuse my ex used and still does because we had children together.

    • I really tried to keep the word count down, but I found as I got further into it, it was going to be impossible. There is no way to approach this topic with any kind of brevity if you expect to provide adequate explanation. I would have included more information, because I was able to find so much. However, I figured this way if readers wanted more, they had the links at their disposal.

      Above and beyond what the ex still hurls at you after you’ve left (thanks to the access they are allowed through the children), people don’t realize that family and friends can also be abusive to you in the same manner after you’ve left. Verbal and emotional abuse is so common, I am quite sure that many people have no idea they are even treating others this way. Even those who feel they are being supportive then repeatedly say things like, “Suck it up, it isn’t that bad. If you want a story about abuse, I know of this peron …..” Or my favorite, “Get over it.” Implying a hurt is invalid, that we are weak, seeking attention, much in the same way the abuser would. It also tells us we are not allowed to have our own feelings without outside approval and are wrong for feeling the way we do.

      Then there is also, “He/she didn’t *hit* you, I don’t see why you can’t let it go!’ They don’t understand that the verbal and emotional abuse change and twist your thinking, confidence, and view of the world in a way that no amount of physical abuse ever can. And once you have learned that behavior, it is so hard to reverse. In this situation where you haven’t been able to escape it, it’s completely impossible, because that knife is always there, ready and waiting to cut even deeper.

  2. Pingback: Definition Of Emotional Abuse - Parenting And Mental Health

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  7. I see that my sister is emotionally abused, sleep deprived, working all the hours of the day, at her job, then cleaning until midnight. She’s not allowed in the kitchen because she’s messy. Kitchen is spotless, cleaned by her. She’s always exhausted and can’t remember past episodes of abuse. She. An remember that something bad happened, but not what. I wrote down all the instances of the past 2.5 years, to help her if she needed to go to court.
    So, after the latest crisis, where she locked herself in her room during the night, to avoid him, she has resumed business as usual. She hid from him for a week because she was afraid. It’s not physical, all anger. Gaslighting, dirty looks, put downs, “poor me”, stomps around, verbal lecture that go on for hours, until 3 in the morning before a work day.
    I BELIEVE her. But her mind is unsafe, every moment she is with him. So, it’s 3 weeks after the crisis. She won’t return my calls, says he’s being nice, is “really busy at work.” She is isolating herself from me and her very supportive family. Now, I can’t help her. I can’t, and no one can, counter the bs he fills her with. What am I supposed to do?

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