8 comments on “Another Side of Domestic Violence: Children of Violence

  1. This line hit home: “They couldn’t reconcile the bad things they had felt and said about him with the natural love any child has for their parent. They loved him and hated him all at once, and they never were able to sort this emotional hurt and confusion out.”

    • I think this is a big struggle for many of us, because there is so much emotional confusion for us. It’s hard as children to reconcile how the person / people we love and are responsible for our growth into adulthood could love us yet cause us such harm at the same time. And even as children, we do internalize the blame, because we think it is our fault.

      I wish you couldn’t understand, my dear.

  2. wow, my heart breaks for you and your sibs. BUT it makes me even happier that I was able to get out of the abuse when I did. I can only imagine the damage that would have occurred had my children been raised in that abusive relationship. I can only imagine the damage that was done to my oldest. I am hoping because he was so young that he has forgotten it all.

    • Don’t spend so much time imaging that. Nothing good can come of it. We know as adults that it’s never as simple as leaving. As a mother I know you tried the best you could but the situation was not in your control, and you didn’t have so many options. Sometimes those who abuse us are able to manipulate things so that we really have to struggle to find our way out, and it isn’t ever under the best circumstances.

      You are a wonderful example to your children about strength and courage and wanting better for them. I know as a mother you would pile blame on yourself if there was lasting trauma, but the abuser is the one who caused the damage. He harmed you all.

      You can keep an eye on your oldest to see if he exhibits any signs of PTSD or behavior that is a sign he is acting out. And If he ever comes to you and says something about you can be as open with him as necessary.

      As for me, well I think I have fared better than the others in the family brood… even though I may have had to get here the long, traumatic way. LOL (I laugh because this is the understatement of the year. I am sure of it.) I think I am finally at a good place in my life and at peace inside… as evident by the fact that I shared such a private piece of personal history without turning into a sobbing hysterical mess. Very very few people know that story about my first memory. It is something I was very guarded about, and now, good or bad, you all know.

      But how can I help others if I don’t share? You never know who may have had similar experiences to yours and are just looking for that one person who will understand. Don’t feel heartbroken for me, kid. I am finally a whole person!

  3. Pingback: What I Want Those Trapped in Abuse to Know | Picking Up the Pieces

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