10 comments on “What’s in a Name, Really?

    • I had almost slipped a few times and put my name in, but I always held back because I wasn’t quite sure. But like I said, withholding isn’t going to keep me safe. And I’m just so tired of hiding and tip-toeing. It’s ridiculous!

      I’m not all that wonderful. I am sure I drive Kerwyn nuts with this neurotic garbage in my head. I feel horrible about it while it’s happening but after I reign the crazy back in and get her under control, I feel like such a jerk for doing that to him. But the good news I think I figured out where it all goes back to. Conditioning. The not so wonderful part is how the crud do I get it to stop???

      I heart you too 🙂

  1. Wonderfully put – a very moving post that shouts out loud how far you have come, and how much stronger you are than your abuser. Thank you, Amy.

    I hope that one day I also feel free enough to reveal my name.

    • Don’t rush yourself. If you still don’t feel secure enough, wait it out. It may take you a while yet, but don’t let anyone push you do it if you aren’t 150% comfortable with it. It’s freeing but scary all at once. But I know it is time for me. I had actually been wrestling with it for a while now, and when I woke up this morning, I was just sick and tired of hiding and manipulating things just to avoid him. So I decided I’m not anymore. 🙂

      I wish you the best and hope each day brings you feeling more secure and at peace.

  2. You’ve come full circle, Amy. The person afraid of her abuser is gone, leaving behind the beautiful woman you always were (even though she had to hide in order to survive). Now it’s clear sailing ahead. Sure, there will be flashbacks, and life will bring it’s own challenges. But you’re so ready to face them!

    And who said that Kerwyn chap is smarter than you?! 😛

    • Who said you are smarter? Well I believe I did.. specifically in paragraph 12 of my post… and a direct quote for your reference:

      “In fact, intelligence is the top draw in a partner, so you also know this means Kerwyn is smarter than I am. I like to be able to learn new things, and my partner in life has to be able to fill this role.”

      How do we know this is true? Please examine the following rules of being a woman:
      1. I am always right.
      2. I am never wrong.
      3. If I am ever wrong, please refer back to rules numbered 1 and 2.

      LOL For those of you reading this who don’t know, I am really joking. I have admitted to being wrong on several occasions. But now that I have told you that…. I will so have to Aussa Lorens you so hard. HA! (Who said I can’t make veiled references to other bloggers I follow?!)

      Now to be on the serious side for a few minutes, I don’t really think I’m beautiful but somewhere in between, although I try to be beautiful on the inside first, because this is where it truly matters.

  3. Love the warning to Kerwyn, I just hope I am worthy of being a threat 😉
    And this was really cool– good for you! I know what you mean about that fear in the beginning, particularly of putting your face on the blog. I dealt with that A LOT. In the beginning I was going to take a photo with a mask or something… or skew a photo somehow… but then I just felt like “to hell with it! Let’s be honest!”

    I too need to write an about page… agh.
    Though mine won’t be nearly as impressive, Ms. I SPEAK THREE LANGUAGES! That is so cool.

    • You thought about putting a mask on? And hiding that vivacious light? Nah! That would never have worked. You wouldn’t have been happy with that, just as photoshopping yourself wouldn’t work either. It would be another lie that would benefit him, and quite frankly he does that so well himself… I understand the fear and insecurity that drives those thoughts, I do. But you’ve got a light there that shouldn’t be hidden from the world. Not at all.

      I am quite sure your about page would make an interesting read. I can just imagine the things we would learn, the punchlines… and things we wouldn’t ever expect. So I speak three languages. Some people are master painters, some are awesome writers, some are excellent financial advisors, and some are talented athletes.. we all have something (or two) that we excel at. The wonderful thing about this is that we can teach each other and allow those around us to experience things they normally wouldn’t. Yes, I am a geek. LOL Everything comes down to this one inescapable fact.

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