2 comments on “Domestic Violence is Not Child’s Play

  1. This also is for many that I, personally met or spoke to since my own case started, people have a hard time adjusting to ‘survivor’ I, had a counselor tell me ‘the goal was not surviving yet adapting to be equal to society?’ Seems like when the trial ends so will everything else.. However, you’re truth could not be more clearer as you shared Thank you. You are a great support FOR ME with much integrity.

    • The funny thing is that initially the goal IS surviving, because you have just come out of a major event which caused loss and damage to you in so many ways. In the first few months as you begin to find your bearings, you have to survive, because in that depressed emotional, physical, and financial state, how else are you going to function? And being equal to the rest of us in society… Well, really you already are. The goal of adaptation is not to become equal to society. The goal in adapting is to find yourself and to learn to function with constantly changing emotional state you find yourself in as you heal. Adapting to upheaval until you find stability. Then and only then can you begin to shift your focus to living the way society does.

      The true goal is not to survive, but to learn to live and that you are worth the love and care and kindness that you will find on the other side of the destruction. The true goal is to find the most important parts of yourself, the core of who you are, and then to re-learn the rest along the way and figure out how you are to adapt yourself to the new person you are and reconcile the loss of who you once were. You will never be exactly the same afterward. The true goal is to find that value and worth for yourself, to love yourself, and to learn to forgive yourself. This last part I find is the most difficult.

      What I read was more directed to those still trapped in abuse… Actually I have seen this more than once, and I just needed to vent. It’s blaming the person for the suffering they are going through, the confusion, the hurt, the anger, the loss of self… Not the victim’s fault. The abuser did that through the games he/she played. I just wasn’t expecting this post to be so long. Ugh.

      Thank you for your comment and the kind words. If we all supported each other the way victims and survivors of intimate partner violence do… the world would be a much better place.

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