2 comments on “In Forgiving You, I Almost Became Lost

  1. man. wow. words fail me. I weep for you. this poison just keeps rolling out of you and I hope you find some way of purging it before it destroys you.
    I wanna find this guy and hurt him real bad. I did some awful s*** in my life but I think you are right. he is evil and thank God you got away.
    wish there was something I could do for you somehow.

    • Sorry it’s taken so long for me to respond. I usually try to reply to comments as soon as I see them but things are a little out of whack right now. Particularly in my head. While I am past the being destroyed phase, I have to say this past week with triggers has been nearly impossible to get through. I can say that I have not ever had so many so close together, but it’s all people he knew from running the streets chasing after his beloved rock. They are crawling out of the woodwork for some reason, and it’s like their radar is set on me. Usually I am not so down in my posts. It has been a long time since I have been in this frame of mind, and I remember now why I hated it so much. Feeling crazy when a monster tried to make you feel crazy is not generally that fun.

      Technically, since it’s my life and my blog, I could just keep posting like nothing was going on, but I instead choose to share it, because I don’t want others feeling like if they are having a hard time or get caught in triggers like I am right now that they are doing something wrong. Or that they are the only one. I choose to share it so they know it might unfortunately be a normal part of their life that comes in cycles and stays a little too long…. like that one relative that drives us all crazy.

      I don’t want anyone to find him and hurt him. Because I care about what happens to him? Ha, um no. He has chosen his life and he also has to accept consequences, but violence isn’t going to solve the problem with him because he has a violent personality. Besides, is getting in trouble on account of someone who clearly has no compassion, kindness, restraint, or love in them really beneficial to you or to anyone? All it does is cause you difficulties. Let him get the judgment he has earned. And I will go on about my way and use my emotions as a vehicle to keep me motivated to help others get away. Because unlike him, I DO have the capacity for compassion, kindness, restraint, and love. And he obviously didn’t appreciate that. Good for him that he didn’t, because now everyone gets blessed with Crazy. LOL

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