9 comments on “Vascular Surgery and the Case of the Inquisitive Doctor >>>Trigger Alert<<<

  1. This was almost difficult to read. (Not your fault). My ex was never this vicious. I cannot imagine how that must have been for you. It’s beyond tragic. I am amazed by your strength and wisdom.
    You are a true inspiration to me.

    *Jon* NEVER allowed me to go to the MD and insisting on speaking for me. NEVER was I allowed to speak. Then it became natural to not say a word. Almost as if I couldn’t speak for myself.
    That is until he paralyzed my arm. I found a new MD. A good Christian man. And I told him.
    I didn’t have to though. He’d gotten into the habit of walking in the room and his first words were, “I see you’re still carrying that guilt around.” Amazing. It was obvious to him.

    Love
    Tee

    • I guess I look at this and get a little confused by your definition of vicious. It isn’t that I don’t know what the word means, and it isn’t that if I read about someone doing these things to others with malice and intent that I wouldn’t think and say the same thing (because you know I would). Perhaps, when you all comment on my posts and say these things, part of me thinks, “but it was normal.” Still. After so long, that thought momentarily pops into my head and I have to immediately kick it out so I don’t dwell upon it. If I allow myself to step back and I separate myself from the personal side of my story, then I see the vicious nature you speak of. Still, though, it was almost normal. It became my normal, and I almost expect it now. And I have to keep reminding myself that GOOD people aren’t crazy like that.

      It would be interesting for me to sit down and do some research as to how I should really catalogue him for future reference. I have had several people tell me they wouldn’t really classify him as a narcissist. But he definitely has traits. So what is he? A Sociopath? Psycho? Delusional? Egotistical with a side of crazy? I have this need to categorize things, which means I have to pick them apart. But with what I DO know about the way his mind works, I would be hard-pressed to actually sit down and undertake this task. Because I am afraid of what I would find. Part of me thinks there is an evil in him that I don’t want to understand. That I don’t want to see. But on the other hand, I saw it almost every day for 1,551 days. Shouldn’t that tell me all I need to know? Ah but it doesn’t.

      Of course he would never let you go to the doctor. He didn’t want to be discovered! It’s so sad, cruel, spiteful, malicious that abusers withhold necessary medical treatment, sometimes for injuries that end up in fatalities, because they don’t want to face the consequences. This further supports the truth that abusers act out of choice. They are aware of the repercussions and continue to cause harm anyway. Trying to act like they don’t know what they are doing is wrong. UGH

      It’s disconcerting when others see things in ourselves that we are trying out of guilt or shame or fear to hide…. and they actually say something. Most people turn a blind eye, even many doctors, so it is says a lot for him as a person that he would notice your burden and tell you. Almost as if he was trying to help you to get you to see that it wasn’t YOUR burden but the monster’s to carry.

      Love you back,
      Amy

      • I have difficulty defining “normal” as well. I have no idea what it looks like. Fantasies portrayed on media?
        I have no idea. I have no idea where to place the people who are so mean and careless with others lives. I spent 19 years trying to figure out the why’s and what’s behind it all. I can’t. I don’t even try anymore.
        My MD was the first and continuous force that drove my thinking in a different direction.
        He made me realize that I don’t have to carry this.
        My children were never abused physically, but they suffered so much.
        I’m glad we’re out.

        Teela

  2. There’s a special place set for him…. Karma will be ten fold.. You are a beautiful soul…. Heal:)

    • He has no excuse. He knows how he should act, and he choses to turn away from it and pursue bad. I have come to terms with this, and I take comfort that Jehovah will hold him accountable. It may not be in my preferred period of time, but once he gets cut off, there is no coming back from that.

  3. Oh my gosh, I am so, so sorry. I had great difficulty reading this as my mind ran wild, trying to imagine the pain you endured.

    Lots of love and hugs to you. xx

    • Hi sweetie 🙂 Don’t imagine the pain, just remember I’m out. I still struggle with pain and difficulty (mostly in cold weather and when I do too much), but I am alive and away from the beast. He may have caused some damage, but he can’t cause anymore. The more you find out about what I went through the more your faith (hopefully) in Jehovah should grow. By all rights, I should not be here, and I know had I not had God there watching out, my story would have ended much differently. Some days my struggle may take more to overcome than others, but even if everyone else abandoned me, He would still be there. In this I have undying, unwavering faith. And this is what gets me through those really bad days when the voice in my head is telling me to give up, lay down, and die. I remind myself that voice is Kevin, and I refuse to let him win. The endurance I have to demonstrate during the hard times makes the good, including friends like you all, that much sweeter.

      Love you lots,
      Amy

  4. Pingback: That Time I Lived in a Rooming House | Picking Up the Pieces

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