10 comments on “The Woman Staring Back at Me is Amazing

  1. I know exactly what you are talking about. I find it hard to put in to words adequately, it is like being born again and this time we get to pick who we are without someone telling us who we should be. Strangely, I had my eyes checked recently and my eye sight has gotten better in the last 3 years since the last time I had it checked, coincidentally at the same time I left the N. That is the way I feel, like I can see everything so much clearer and appreciate everything, even the supposedly bad days because well, nothing will ever break me like that again.
    It’s been 3 years and a few months since I left and this last year has been amazing and it isn’t over. I never thought I would say it but the peace and serenity I feel now was worth the price I paid to get here. If I could go back and change history I wouldn’t, because I wouldn’t want to give up “this” me and I know I would never have gotten here without being broken first.
    I know my ex would love to take credit for my growth but all our ex’s did was break us; we did the hard work of putting ourselves back together.

    • My health has decidedly gone the other way, but with the way he hit me repeatedly I am surprised I don’t have worse to deal with. the financial burdens weigh on me like a mountain. I have been able to detach these things from being connected with my worth, because they all reflect on him. If anything, all they do is serve as evidence of how strong I am and how wrong he is.

      I don’t think we actually break completely. I think when we leave we are all at the breaking point but there is something in us whole enough still to get us out the door away from the danger.

      They would all love to take credit for what we’ve done. My ex would repeatedly tell me how much better I became and how much I learned because of him. There are two things I learned from him. One, I am ferociously strong and resilient, and two there are really such things as monsters, but they don’t hide in the closet. They sleep in the bed next to us.

      It’s such a shame that all children are not taught about healthy and abusive relationships before they are the dating age. Of course when they are younger, they could start talking about family and friendships but BY SIXTH GRADE, they should have begun talking about dating violence and what to do if they or a friend experience it. When you grow up in an abusive home as a child, it is even more imperative to have that example to counteract it with how it SHOULD be. What we live becomes normal to us, and if no one shows us differently, how would we even know what’s happening is wrong? Or if we didn’t live in abusive homes as children, that it COULD HAPPEN TO US?

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