9 comments on “Quality of Life: The Janet Jackson Connection

    • Thank you. 🙂 I’m kind of content with my camera, but if I insist on taking so many pictures, I should plan to save for a better one. It has become an addiction, and my phone is protesting.

    • I still have trouble getting myself motivated some days. Some days I really have to push myself even to think about doing something. When I first left, I was so scared of being home to much, because I was trapped in the apartment all the time, I ran myself ragged. Much like I am doing now. I’m starting to find now when something triggers me, I pack my schedule super tight and run myself ragged like I did when I first left. Not sure why, but it is what it is. And since I have the freedom to do it now, why not? Life is so much better on the outside.

  1. You have been through so much and have so much courage. I too am a survivor of abuse. Your ex sounds like a malignant narcissist and no, they have no conscience. I spent 28 years with one (married most of that time) and my mother also is a narcissist. Take things one day at at time, and keep blogging. Your photos are lovely. Please stop over to my blog ; I’ve described what my ex was like there.

    • I think this is fairly common among survivors or abuse, but I don’t think I had it so hard. Of course, I am probably saying this because the abuse I endured, although extremely abnormal and brutal in many cases, became a normal part of my life… or the common routine maybe is a better way of saying it. The thought of being with my ex and enduring what he did to me for as long as you endured yours…. makes me cry. I made it just over four years, the absolutely worst four ever, and know if I didn’t leave the day I did that I wouldn’t have made it out alive. I would not have been able to survive 28 years. The overwhelmingly sad thing for me is that the next one who finds herself trapped by him most likely will not make it.

      28 years is…. I mean…. unimaginable. So glad for you that you are free. I do not yet know your story, but even if you were not physically abused (I find that extremely unlikely given the amount of time you were abused), the verbal and emotional abuse are the worst of all. Emotional death is infinitely worse, and I will always remember the last moments as I felt my heart go empty. It isn’t something I specifically talk about much, because it’s hard for me to accept another person can deliberately and so callously do that to another human being.

      • The abuse does become “normal.” I think it’s a form of Stockholm Syndrome, where even if you don’t exactly identify with your abusers, you still think their behavior is normal. It’s like drug tolerance–the more poison we get used to, the more we can “take.” I guess thinking it was normal (and numbing my emotions, which is what PTSD really is) was how I was able to endure it for that long. After a while, you just don’t feel your emotions anymore. Now that I’m out of it, it’s hard to believe the unbelievable crap I put up with.
        I certainly hope your abuser’s next victim has the courage to leave before it’s too late.
        In my case, it was primarily emotional abuse, and in some ways that’s worse than physical abuse because no one sees the scars and no one believes you, especially when your abuser is as good at the mind games and gaslighting as mine was.
        I didn’t die emotionally, but came damn near.
        It really is incredible what some “humans” can do to other people, especially those of us that are vulnerable to it. There’s a lot of people that just have no conscience and don’t care how they hurt and abuse others.

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