6 comments on “Maybe I Don’t Want to Be Who I Used to Be

    • Note to WordPress: Create a love and an adore button to go along with the like button! I have thought that so many times reading others’ posts, but in some ways it’s a good thing, because usually when you feel like that, you have to put it in comments 🙂 For those who aren’t comfortable commenting yet though, I think those two other buttons would give them a way to get that across without pushing to do something they are not comfortable with. I’m glad you liked the post so much 🙂

    • You know I have found that I never used to be able to think of things at the time they were happening. Actually for a while after I left my abuser, I was hesitant because the person that had ben stuffing words in my mouth was no longer there prompting me. I was at a loss. Then I started my blog and after several months that started to fade. It takes longer for some of us, and in some cases there may be cultural or even familial customs that make it hard to bridge that gap and cross over into being direct and able to say what you are thinking without reservation. Even if you are never able to totally say the right thing at the right time, it is good that you can recognize common threads in your experiences with others and can relate to how they feel about things. That awareness and recognition of those thoughts and emotions is an important part of your healing.

      With love and support,
      Amy

  1. You expressed my sentiments exactly! I totally relate to what you are saying. It takes a lot of courage to rebuild yourself, but I don’t believe it is possible unless a person has been shattered into a million pieces and left broken. So much of who we are is programed into us by parents, siblings, friends etc to the point we think we are being ourselves but have actually no idea who we are. When a person has to put the pieces back together they have the opportunity to keep what they want and discard the stuff they never should have been packing. I view it as a gift now, it has taken 3 years but I am at peace like never before, love myself more than ever before, and feel everything more intensely than ever before, and I have never cared less what people think of me because I am totally me. I no longer try to be what people say I should be or do what people think I should do, I do what is in my heart to do and i say what I mean. I no longer have room in my life for bull shit, egos, and false friends.
    congratulations on your rebirth!

    • Believe it or not, I had to go through a few versions of this before I posted it. I always try to keep some positive angle in what I write as best as I can, because I feel that those coming here have been subjected to way too much negativity and if it’s in my power to relate or say something without being negative I will do it. I want others to come here and feel comfortable even as they find someone they can connect with or identify shared experiences that result in lessened loneliness. Obviously as you know there are things about our experiences that we cannot remove the bad or the negative from them, but our willingness to share them and help others is what makes them positive…. This case… well, this is something that is extremely personal to me, and I have had a few people needling in my side, and I needed to say it. The first version was pretty sarcastic and cutting, and when I read it, I felt like my abuser could have posted it. So I re-did it. More than once. I hope that doesn’t show in the final post.

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