11 comments on “Releasing the Pressure: I Promise You Aren’t Losing Your Mind

  1. Wow – This is so detailed, deep, complex explanation – this is to enlighten and learn and stay confident to overcome our obstacles to move on!

  2. Two months after I left, the safe house I was in had a meeting and I walked in and raised an eyebrow at one of the other girls, and the table exploded with ¨look, she has an expression on her face!¨. It was apparently the first one they had seen me make. I still struggle with the guilt and the blame and the risk assessment. I do it over and over and reach mostly the same conclusions, though the guilt has lessened the more educated I become on abuse tactics. Rather the more education I soak up. Sometimes I cannot seem to understand what I read, like I have a block. I just quit coffee, and found the PTSD symptoms are much reduced, as are my reactions to triggers. It made a huge improvement in my life in just two weeks. I recommend it to anyone suffering from hyperarousal or hypervigilance or just plain hyperness.

    • Oh I had difficulties showing expression. Now that definitely is NOT a problem. I wish I actually had more control over it, but I went so long having to force everything down, I don’t feel like my brain even considers it an option. So for good or bad, it’s written all over my face.

      It really takes a while for some to work through the guilt and self blame. I feel like for some there may be environmental factors hindering healing in that respect. I know you have made mention before of cultural factors contributing to some things you had been struggling with. It may be some of this, and it could be that you may have had some critical people around you feeding into it. It’s imperative that try your best not to internalize things like that when people point their finger at you and act like you could have stopped it at any time. It’s their ignorance, lack of compassion, or inability to understand the scope of the damage abuse causes us.

      Coffee… it’s a natural stimulant and some are more sensitive to others, so it makes sense to me that stopping this would help some. It’s a good tip for others to try to see if it gives them some relief.

  3. I found I went through very much the same thing and upon reflection, I was barely functioning and probably should have been hospitalized. I didn’t have a support group, my mom had stopped talking to me, I had no place to be at Christmas or Thanksgiving, no one to wish me happy birthday. My son lived far away and I was just as happy he didn’t have to see me that way. I was always able to sound ok when he called. But I could have been dead a month and no one would have been concerned or checked to see if I was ok.
    I found that anyone I did tell about the abuse thought I should be “happy” because he was out of my life and what was my problem?
    That’s why I always tell people with a loved one in an abusive relationship to “be there” listen, listen and listen some more, let the person rehash the relationship. The victim needs to absorb it all, the mind has to find some way of dealing with the truth and accept it in order to release it.
    So many times the victim IS so busy putting out fires, dancing as fast as they can, reacting with not a chance to be proactive, always on the defensive, always off balance, one trauma piled on another until something breaks inside. I became “the walking dead” a zombie, numb, no emotion, no anger, no joy for sure, just empty, I didn’t even fear dying any more. Thank god for his sister who stayed with us and was my only voice of reason and the truth because without her I don’t know if i would have ever left and I really thought I was functioning fine at the time. But when I look back it was so dysfunctional I can’t believe the whole world didn’t see it.
    I think the victim can only absorb so much pain and the mind blocks a lot of the abuse as a means of self preservation. As we heal, our brain allows us to recall more events, some little thing will trigger a memory and all of a sudden you are a blubbering basket case again. I used to think I was losing my mind, that I would never heal. I would just start to feel a bit stronger and could see a glimmer of the light in the distance and bam! I would be thrown back into the black abyss of despair. But I found that every time I went through it I came out of it faster and feeling much more healed. I started calling them “healing crisis” and learned to just go with the flow and not fight it because ultimately it was helping me heal. I actually just wrote an article on the healing properties of tears and tears brought on by emotional pain or totally different than tears brought on by say peeling onions.
    Tears cleanse the body of toxins, toxins that can make us very sick, cause heart disease and other chronic health problems. women who have been in an abusive relationship are 70% more likely to have heart disease, even after leaving the relationship.
    The abuser was so toxic in the victim’s life that the victim can not move on, that black cloud of negativity hangs heavy over every aspect of the victim’s life for a long time. Tears help cleanse the wounds so they can heal.

    • Thank you for spending the time reading. I hope you were able to get something out of it. Too many of us struggle with this and our initial reaction is to always think we’re broken, when it isn’t really that way at all.

  4. Great blog, describes in a vivid way the process a trauma victim must go through to begin the healing process. It is so disorienting, and at times you wonder what is wrong with me? Nothing…you are healing from something no one should ever have to experience.

    • And I feel for this reason it’s so important for each of us to share things we especially have struggled with, how we endured, and how we learned to handle or minimize what we could not completely make go away. I always remind myself how frustrated and confused and overwhelmed I was…. and how I always felt like it was really just me, even though logically I knew I was far from alone. This is how we give each other peace and help each other heal. We should never have to wonder if we’re the only ones.

  5. This is the stage I’m at now, I feel like I’m losing my mind. I just start crying randomly whether I’m at work, home, out with friends or in Home Depot…..

    • For me, it was not only a frustrating place to be because I couldn’t control it and people weren’t always kind about it, it was heavy and I felt I could never quite get control over this thing I didn’t understand at the time. I felt so broken at the time but it was just the opposite. It will level out, and you will start to get control over it. If I had a cure all for this stage, I would share it for you. Stay strong, if you ever need to talk there are many of us here.

      With love and support,

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