8 comments on “Your Rafter Keeps Poking My Eye Out with It’s Irrelevancy

  1. Once again an excellent post. Been there!! many times and I wish I would have had this post to hand to them at the time. It is so damaging to the victim, especially in the beginning of their recovery; to be in essence blamed for their own abuse because no “healthy person would have stayed or gotten in that position to begin with.”
    I was far enough along in my recovery for it to not bother me more than to give me a laugh when my mother, who was trying very hard to be supportive and understanding, proudly offered up this tidbit. “My friend Sue was always ruined by a narcissist and she was a seemingly intelligent woman, so I understand it could happen to you.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I said, “Mom she is still an intelligent woman.” She gave me a blank stare and then said, “Oh, I guess so.”
    It’s very hard for a survivor of abuse to feel strong and able when all around them people are telling them they are stupid, or weak and everyone else would never have been in that position.
    No one knows unless they have been there, even I who have been in an abusive relationship know exactly what you endured or what you were feeling.
    I have a better idea now after reading this post. You have such a talent for expressing yourself with the written word.

  2. This post has made me furious. What is wrong with some people?
    You need not explain yourself to these beings, who if in the situation we unfortunately found ourselves in, would not be saying stupid things like “What you should have done is…”.
    They are ignorant and may they choke on their wicked words. Ugh.
    Love you. xx

  3. Ah, you are my sister in this, truly. I remember what it was like and I weep for you and for me and for all of us out there who had to endure this- and then sit through the criticisms of the never abused, for years after. Don’t listen to them. They never had to try to survive the next few minutes, over and over again. Survival mode for them is a long line at Starbucks.
    This is why I cannot talk about it. It rips me raw to hear what they think, I worry I am not strong enough for it. Don’t let them shut you up. Your voice is honest, you convey the emotion precisely as it was. I know I need to see your words, to see you know how it was, because that understanding heals me.
    Keep fighting back, please. This is not the first time you wrote about having to do so, and you do it beautifully, effectively. I have to reblog this.

    • Thank you, Alice… As circumstances would have it, today is my two year anniversary of freedom. 🙂 I have a long way to go but even I at this point can recognize how far I have come. After enduring what I have been fortunate enough to live through, I feel compelled to speak out because there are too many of us still trapped in abuse and so many just leaving and absolutely terrified, feeling like they are alone, and too many people still perpetuating the same pointless, oppressing dialogue about why we stayed when they need to learn the truths they so carefully, deliberately avoid for the sake of their comfort. For some I will be encouragement and others, that gnawing feeling of unease in their stomach. And I know the chances of the man who abused me seeing this are as great as I used to fret over every time I published a post, but for him this is proof that through the fear I chose to speak. When I told him if I got away I would tell, I meant it. And I always do my best to fulfill my promises.

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