26 comments on “His Beautifully Fatal Mistake – Trigger Warning

  1. You are a true hero… Thank you for sharing your story. I dated a control freak in my teenage years and understand a little bit about this kind of oppression, and I know how hard that was to break away from, but you overcame so, so much! Wow. I cannot imagine. I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve suffered.

    • I’m sorry it’s taken so long to reply. An unknown gift giver has shared the joy of the flu with me, and I spent the entire weekend since Friday afternoon in bed, whining loudly about how ill I am. Ugh.

      Thank you for your comment, but I don’t feel like a hero. I’m just a woman who has overcome something traumatic and wants to help others do the same. In some aspects I still struggle against the conditioning of the verbal and emotional abuse in regards to confidence, and also of the physical abuse which is still at the center of my worst panic attacks two years later. Some days, I feel light years away from the abuse and others, I feel like I did only weeks after I left. I would have rather not gone though what I did. I don’t think you ever find one of us who would say otherwise, but on the other side of the coin, we also recognize that we could not be who we are today had we not gone through it. We can never be the same, and although I find myself missing the “old me,” I realize and appreciate who I am now is a much stronger, wiser version of her. And I would not change that for anything, even if you gave me the choice of going back and never getting entangled with him. I love myself, flaws, slowly healing wounds, scars and all.

      I think in some ways enduring abuse in teen years can be more damaging, because you are still trying to figure out who you are, and you don’t have the tools really to be able to handle the situation. Not until you’ve been through it. And I am glad that you broke away from it, because it most likely would have ended up much, much worse.

      • Hope that you feel better soon. 😦 your honesty and acceptance of where you are is encouraging… I cannot imagine the struggle, but it is clear you are an overcomer… God bless you

  2. I can hear the applause and cheers! Congratulations for so many things, for your rebirth and new life. I sincerely hope 2015 is chock a block full of wonderful things for you. You most certainly deserve many blessings!

    • Thank you lady. It was quite loud, considering I’m hard-of-hearing and to me it was noisy. I’m guessing they like me. 😉

      Things continue to get better, even on the hard days. I’m far enough away now to know they never stay, so I just ride them out. Even my worst day now can never be as bad it was with him. ❤

  3. Reblogged this on Ladywithatruck's Blog and commented:
    I have to share this story of rising from the ashes and rebirth. A glowing example of strength, you never know how strong you are until you test it. Break the silence and let the shame and blame land where it belongs; on the abuser. it never was your to pack. I pray 2015 is the year women unite and are silent no more.

  4. Reblogged this on Magpie and commented:
    This lady has amazing courage & fortitude, not just for getting through one of the most horrific experiences imaginable but for speaking out, for holding her head high and giving others the courage to do the same.

      • I have no words that would accurately convey my admiration for your bravery, for the fact you survived what was obviously such a traumatic event in your life and now have the strength to speak about it. My situation was crushing but in no way comparable, for a long while i stayed in it as i felt the failure was mine. Now with the help of people like yourself i can look back and say with my head held high, it was never my problem, not my responsibility to fix. you are amazing i wish my work had been as supportive when i was finally brave enough to speak out but sadly not all employers are as good as yours. i wish you nothing but the very finest and brightest of futures x

        • You aren’t alone in that being one of the reasons you stayed… many of us feel that it’s our failure, that we must be doing something wrong, and if we could just fix it, it would stop. The abuser needs us to believe this in addition to so many other things for us to stay. Tell me, friend, that in your heart you know that is not always the amount of pressure weighing us down but also the isolation and despair and fear and chasing after the futility of “someday” that squeezes the life from us? Even if my situation could have been technically worse, I don’t compare. I see suffering and hurt and resulting damage sustained to a human being. What matters is that we are all harmed by whatever abuse we endured, and we all have to find a way to heal.

          I am blessed that I had such strong support there at work. I know many do not, and I have seen stories of many DV survivors who are terminated as a result of the abusive relationship. Just in terms of all we have to battle as a result of this life… the abuser and abuse itself, the injuries, financial problems, those who have custody battles, divorces, unsupportive friends or family, critical outsiders, our own confidence and self worth…. we should not also have to worry about our employers, but so many do. So many.

          • sadly my employers made it almost impossible for me to stay and in doing so allowed me to look for somewhere i would feel supported and safe. My general manager told me in no uncertain terms that i ought to leave my personal problems at the door, this was in response to me asking members of staff to keep a look out for Tiger (my ex partner) i was told that i ought not to be honest about what was going on with my work colleagues. Thankfully they themselves were far more supportive, the problem stemmed from my GM’s own hangups in this instance. Her response allowed me to look for another job and in doing so gave me a huge ego boost on the work front, not only did i find i was employable but that in fact i was in demand! My skills and knowledge were seen as useful and i was viewed as an excellent candidate! wow! This went against everything that i viewed myself as and as a result i got offered not one but three positions! I picked the one that i considered to be the most secure, would offer me the chance to heal in a familiar place with understanding colleagues, one that would challenge me but not so much that i would open the door to feeling a failure. It was a good choice, im in a good place now, thankfully.
            Ive also had an amazing response from people ive reached out to both in my personal life and on forums such as this. Ive been able to arm myself against getting hurt and only today someone has reached out to me concerned with my involvement with someone, im so grateful to this person as not only are they educated on my particular foible (i get involved with people that suffer from NPD) but also they have been involved with this person themselves (the chap i refer to as Wolverine in my blog) the insight they have provided me with on this situation will help me extract myself from what could become an awfully messy situation i plan on speaking about this on my next blog.
            Im never going back to that dark hole again and nothing will ever make me stop talking about my experiences as if i can help one other person then my life is worthwhile and my experiences have a reason. Good work babe, keep reaching out, keep talking, your words make a difference!

  5. I am so glad you are finally away from that monster. Yes, I agree with the others. You are indeed amazing in your strength and courage. God bless you, and keep you safe from all harm.

  6. No, not because of his mistake, don’t give him the credit. You would have just had to find a different way. Because of you keeping your resolve and determination, that’s how you escaped, not due to anything he did or didn’t do.

  7. You have a courage sharing those deep and sad feelings.
    Congratulations to not be anymore with that sick person.

    Thank you
    Malia

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