15 comments on “Like Feathers in the Wind *Trigger Warning*

  1. I love your last line about needing a shovel : ). You are so right. People who haven’t experienced DV often don’t want to hear our stories, it makes them uncomfortable. They don’t believe it can ever happen to them. If they distance themselves, they falsely believe it can never happen to them or their loved ones. Sadly, this isn’t true. Thanks for putting yourself out there!

    • What I don’t understand is that so many are willing to set aside that desire to flee from the discomfort and sadness when the survivor stories come from those who beat serious illness, accidents, etc. However, when it comes to survivors of sexual assault, childhood abuse, childhood sexual abuse, and intimate partner violence, some try to almost demonize us, like it was something wrong with us that made the abuse occur and that we’re evil and vindictive for speaking up and trying to hold our abusers accountable. Like their reputation means more than our worth and our safety as human beings. I truly believe part of their motivation for their reaction is because if their denial is ripped away from them, they can no longer hide behind it and lie to themselves and admit those they love and even they themselves can be victimized. It’s easier for them to believe we did something wrong, even if not that we deserve it, and therefor it would be preventable. So they can say it always happens to the “others.” To “that group of people, not me.”

      I don’t care that it makes people uncomfortable. My silence means I put them in danger of enduring the same thing we all have, to the point of possibly losing their lives or loved ones to abuse. My silence means that their denial and their perception that they are exempt can bring them to ruin. That denial and ignorance and false sense of exemption from abuse rips lives apart every day. I can’t live with the blood guilt on my hands. The thought of another human being suffering through one day of the evil I experienced is more painful to me emotionally than the horrors I endured and now have to battle every day.

      If their discomfort means someone is saved from it, I’m willing to be the catalyst for it.

  2. Hi Amy,

    This was a hard for me to read but so beautiful. Thank you for posting this. Three years after my separation from my ex I am still crying over the trauma of it all. When I left my ex-husband I was living in his home state in a place where I did not have my own network. His network was my network. When I finally was able to leave him the abuse escalated and I filed a restraining order. His whole family turned against me, blamed me. I received hurtful emails detailing how everything was my fault. I tried so desperately to reach out to them but was accused of being vindictive. It was a very difficult time for me. I am just now finding the courage to really speak out in hopes that it will inspire others to do the same. I too have started a blog and Facebook page to encourage this. I appreciate so much reading what others have gone through. It helps to sustain my strength. Thank you.

      • Hi there, I stopped by your blog, but I didn’t see a way to follow or the buttons to share. Can you make them visible? If not I will just copy the link to your first DV post and share on Twitter and then I’ll put a quick post here linking to it. I usually like to reblog the first DV post with a small comment introducing the newer blogs when I see them come up. With love and support, Amy

    • I am so sorry that you have experienced the pain of this trauma as well. This is one of those things that although you’re glad there ARE others out there who understand and can be supportive and compassionate to you – and even BELIEVE you and listen without judgment – that shared experience comes at a price. Because it also means you have suffered and the very same thing that makes us thankful to connect to each other is the same thing that causes sorrow because you DO understand. You can’t understand without enduring it yourself, and I wish that you hadn’t.

      The pulling you away from everything and everyone you’ve ever known and getting you into their safe territory is a common trait of abusers. The isolation from the ones that love you is deliberate, because they are a threat to his control over you. He simply did not want you to have them as a resource to get help. And his family, his friends are all his enablers. Enablers regularly use varying forms of gas lighting with the person being abused. Whether or not anyone perceives this, and whether or not the enablers recognize it, they are getting some sort of payoff from protecting the abuser and manipulating you. Quite often, it affords them safety. It also helps protect their reputation if they can manufacture a string of evidence that “proves” you’re crazy and vindictive. They know what they’re doing. They are trying to keep you silent.

      I am so encouraged that you have the strength to come forward and share your story. So many (including the rest of us who have been doing so for a while) will be encouraged by you lifting your voice. There’s something about that moment when I can see another survivor bring their story into the light and share it with the world. It gets me teary-eyed. It’s a giant step, but it takes the burden we carry after leaving, and it casts it into the fire. You are amazing. Keep sharing your story.

      With love and support,
      Amy

  3. Thank you Amy. Thank you for believing and for sharing your experiences. It’s so healing knowing with certainty that we are not alone, that our experiences are real, and deserve to be heard.

  4. Pingback: Like Feathers in the Wind *Trigger Warning* by Amy Thomson | Living with MimiLiving with Mimi

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