>>>Trigger Warning – post contains description of physical abuse<<<
Red and orange leaves rustle gently
as the breezes sweep through the boughs,
glowing brilliantly, suffused by the rays of the cooling autumn sun
and you slam me against the wall and throw me into a daze.
How can the birds still sing,
putting the vibrant foliage dancing around them to shame,
as your hands grip around my neck and slowly, forcefully constrict
every last molecule of air from my convulsing, pitching lungs?
Do they breathe in the air you force out,
is their song fed by the life you extract
through the ends of your rigid, unrelenting tools of destruction
as I gasp, wheeze, and violently heave my chest
in a desperate effort to allow even the smallest flow of air in?
Clouds float slowly, delicately across the sun
and send shadows dancing across the ceiling and walls behind us
as I try to pry your hands away,
scratching and digging into my own skin –
etching temporary proof of your ambush across the once pristine white flesh
of my neck –
and still the birds sing their song
and the leaves rustle and flutter in the wind-
silent witnesses of the spiral of horrors that will be unleashed upon me.
Out of nowhere gurgling burgeons from my throat,
and still you squeeze harder.
My neck contorts,
I writhe under your weight
against my will,
and the first leaves of autumn release themselves from the branches,
setting themselves free to dance and float through the crisp fall air,
swirling gently by the window
as my eyes fill with grayness,
as I lose focus,
as I become dazed and incoherent,
squinting to make out your devilish form through the fog in my slumbering brain.
Fading in, floating out,
struggling to keep my focus on the shadows of the leaves dancing outside the window,
and becoming filled with desperate panic to understand
how the bathroom can be bathed wall to wall, ceiling to floor in painfully bright light
yet your face, just inches away from my failing eyes is a black hole of evil.
And suddenly you stop,
release your grasp from my throat now screaming for relief,
and stand in front of me
nostrils flaring wildly,
becoming filled with flagrant white-hot anger
at my confused and shocked state.
An eternity passes –
time crawling slow like thick molasses,
unrelentingly torturing me
as I try to reconcile what just happened –
As you pick up your right arm
and pummel me in the chest with closed fist,
the first leaves of autumn spin, cascade, and clumsily tumble
off the last currents of air
to silently fall in the puddles glistening in the sun.