14 comments on “Appearances (on PTSD)–Trigger Warning–

  1. Wow. All I can say is wow, I understand every single word, the haunting whispers, the triggers, the hypersensitivity to light; all of it. I felt with you when reading this.

    • Hi Vennie, thank you for reading – I hope it didn’t trigger you. This isn’t exactly what I intended on writing when I started this post, but it’s the only thing that would come out so I went with it. It needs to be said to all those who feel like we are free and should therefore be fine once we leave or are able to get out of the situation we were trapped in that it isn’t the case at all. Some things we heal from relatively quickly, but with so much that isn’t the case at all. Even when we learn to ride through panic attacks and make it seem like we are okay or free of the demons attached to certain things, they are still there with us all the time. Whether or not anyone else can see them is irrelevant, as we are the ones who have to live with being haunted by no matter what others “think” should be the case.

    • Thank you for the compliments (which I find are still sometimes difficult to accept, but I’m working on it 🙂 ). I have found writing to be a huge asset in my coping/healing toolkit. I’ve always loved to write and breathe life into words. My life, more specifically, because even though they are not palpable and even though they are not perceptible by the human eye, these words are how I share my vulnerability. Several people have told me that they can visually perceive some things when I write, but I don’t know how true it is. It isn’t something that I do deliberately, it’s just how it spills out. Thank you again for reading.

  2. Omg. You lived my life. You write my song. My heart bleeds to hear you, sister. I only want to know, when does the pain stop?? When does the fear subside? Ever? I pray that you are in a safe place now. Please tell me that you are. Please tell me there is hope.

    • I am in a safe place, yes. Occasionally I see him, but I left at the end of 2012. I have made a lot of progress since then, but I still have a lot of work to. The pain gets less over time, as does the fear, but how long that takes is different for all of us. A huge part of how well we heal is if we have a network of support, particularly ones that have also lived through abuse, because even though our experiences differ, we still have an unspoken understanding that bonds us and removes the feeling of isolation. I promise there is hope.

  3. I started a blog and cannot find it anymore. I did start a fb page for the time being.
    Finally, after 19 years of abuse, I am free from violence for 2.5 years:)

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