6 comments on “Why Emotional Abuse and Forced Sleep Deprivation Are Effective Tools to Gain Compliance: Part 3

  1. Thanks for your posts on this matter. I am involved with a person who recently has been keeping me up most nights a week, sometimes all night. I just calculated my “sleep debt” and I’m at a loss of around 75 hours for the past three weeks. Subsequently, my eating and exercise habits have diminished. I am frightened for my health and concerned with my ability to prioritize myself and end the relationship.

    His sleep-deprivation tactics as of late:
    -Recycles and rehashes arguments that we’ve resolved multiple times over, all night, beating me down until I’m the one apologizing and asking for another chance;
    -Accuses me of being unfaithful in heart, mind and body, engaging me in a back-and-forth where I’m forced to defend myself or admit to something I’m not doing;
    -Derides me if I look “sleepy” or start nodding off, usually whilst touting that my requests to fall and stay asleep are a result of me being a “millennial”, and that I’m spoiled for thinking that I need a certain amount of sleep;
    -If he’s at my place, he threatens to leave or does leave if I fall asleep, waking me up in the process while accusing me of not giving him the attentions/interactions that he’s seeking;
    -If we’re on the phone, calling me to wake me up if I fall asleep, making hurtful statements, or sending me cruel text messages while we’re still on the line. He justifies this by saying that I’m hurting his feelings by not staying awake to listen.

  2. I suffer from bipolar disorder and my abuser used sleep deprivation as a tactic to usher in mania. Once I was thoroughly confused from lack of sleep, he would choke me until I was panicked then proceed to call authorities citing that I was the attacker and in the midst of an episode. I was carted off to psychiatric for weeks, part of me believing I was at fault. This went on for eleven years. I finally reported him to my counselor and they suggested I leave him. I pressed charges against him after leaving but the prosecutor felt that she couldn’t get a conviction. He used sleep deprivation to confuse me and to force me to comply with his will. That coupled with choking and frequent medication changes affected my memory and made his claim that I was crazy more believable.

  3. I keep thinking, “he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He doesn’t mean to be this toxic.” I’ve read all the textbooks and articles; they’re starting to cross-reference each other at this point. He’s just that unhealthy. He’s just so insecure that it’s seeping into me, bringing me down with him.
    But. But. But…
    He also does this thing on nights (or ridiculously early mornings) we’re fighting, when, after agreeing to sleep on the couch, he comes back into the bedroom and whines his way back into bed. He sweet talks me back into agreeing to give it another chance. I agree just to appease him, just to get another precious hour of sleep.
    It doesn’t seem like abuse. I don’t believe he realizes that he’s manipulating me.

    But I also don’t know what to do.

  4. Mine would wake me up by screaming at me for snoring and I mean screaming, I would be so shocked and anxious, that I could not go back to sleep. Also if I lay down for a nap on the sofa, she would ring her parents and speak very loudly to them in her native language. Or have shouted conversations with one of our daughters, usually mixed with maniacal laughter.

  5. This is a powerful blog. Ladies, please, please, please, get away from these toxic and evil people. If you end up making children with them, you’ll feel like you can’t get out, so don’t deny how it’s affecting you, because it will end up badly affecting your children too.
    This stuff also happens to men too…
    I know someone right now, a man, who’s actually going through much of the same; his girlfriend keeps him awake most nights being irrational, verbally abusive, accusatory, and when he gets up to go in another room or to sleep elsewhere she follows him. She also does all of this in front of their toddler and waking the child up, then blaming the father for it. At times it escalates to physical violence as he tries to move away from her or get out of the house. It’s happening so often that he’s had to sleep in his car dozens and dozens of times. She then calls random family members in the middle of the night telling them that he hasn’t come home, isn’t acting like a father and has ‘put his hands on her’. The child is too young to understand what’s going on but sometimes she’ll hold him and start saying “daddy doesn’t love us” in front of the dad, just to bait him. It’s so sick hearing about it, and just wish he’d get away from her.The sleep deprivation has affected his work productivity and financially he’s struggling to make ends meet. His self worth is in the toilet and it seems like this is the ways she likes it.
    When he goes to work she’ll blow up his phone with texts but makes sure they appear benign so she can show others how “irrational” his angry responses are. When he finally comes home after an exhausting night, that’s when the sleep deprivation tactics begins. Sometimes when he’s asleep she’ll poke and prod him or suddenly tell him that he smells like smoke or that the baby is crying and to get up, then proceeds to follow him around making comments and giving put-downs. She drinks amounts of alcohol throughout the day but increases it during the night. She’s managed to get him to switch cell providers and on her plan, so now she tracks him and looks at all his records accusing him of not being where he’s suppose to or calling the random spam numbers that calls his phone to check and see if they’re other women. Even though he’s faithful, she uses this in part to show him that she’s in control. After so many days of chaos, she’ll start to ease off and make half hearted apologies but this too seems like she’s doing it to control and manipulate him into trusting her again, only to start the whole phase of verbal abuse and sleep deprivation right up again. To other people, she seems normal, but has 2 sides to herself. I think she wants him to have a mental break down knowing she can make it look like he’s the one with the problems. There’s more I could say, but you’ve probably gotten the point.
    I don’t know if some of these people have a mental illness that hasn’t been diagnosed, (she saw a therapist for years but doesn’t go anymore), or if they’re narcissists or sociopaths or a combination of all but it’s abuse plain and simple.

  6. Pingback: Why Emotional Abuse and Forced Sleep Deprivation Are Effective Tools to Gain Compliance: Part 2 | Picking Up the Pieces

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