To my abuser:
Thank you for your invitation on LinkedIn. Pardon me if ignore you, because you must be attempting to send a veiled message that you have kept tabs on me while I have decided to move on with my life and heal from the damage you left behind. If you have any semblance of a memory remaining, you surely remember how I was when we first met back in the days of MySpace. Surely you recall how vocal I could be with things I find morally objectionable, cruel, and despicable. There is no way you would have forgotten this, and I really hope you don’t think or expect that I would have forgotten all this. Do you?
Did you forget that day you had me on the floor with the butcher knife in my face? I told you that if I ever got away from you alive, I would tell everyone what you are. Unlike you, I keep my promises, because keeping my word means something. I’m not the one that uses it to manipulate people into getting what I want, then refusing to follow through once you’ve gotten what you came for. That, my not-so-little life lesson, is all on you. You must know that I talk about you and what you did, not just to me but the others who you abused before me. I use you as a warning to others to help them avoid being trapped in the darkness with others like you. I use you as a way to provide hope to others who are being (or have been abused) that no matter how much damage is lying in wait in the aftermath, there is hope. There is healing. There is life after. Most importantly, all those lies and threats and manipulation you used to control me are paper tigers. There are people who believe us, there are people who help us, and there are people who care about us.
Maybe you found my blog. Maybe you found my Twitter profile. They are both public, because I have nothing to hide. If you have seen them, go ahead and take it all in. Everything you read is a result of what you did to me and my finding strength and courage to overcome it. READ IT. Hunt me down. Follow me. Do whatever. I’m not hiding from you. This is my life, and you don’t get to chase me out. But you should know that if something were to happen to me, there are an army of people who would know who is at fault. Some of them are in possession of pertinent information to have you found and held accountable should you decide to retaliate. You can run all you want, but you, sir, are not that good at hiding. No one who is bent on revenge at all costs can stay hidden long, because your hatred and seething rage at being disregarded boils inside until you can’t take it anymore.
It was not easy at first to keep my promise that I made to tell everyone what I have lived through, but I promise you I have no secrets in things you did. I share them all, and I share them openly.
You failed at making me shrink back in shame.
You failed in making me hiding away in fear of you.
So monitor me if you want. But know this: I’m not going to stop – even if I am afraid of you. Know why? You don’t deserve the silence, and you don’t deserve the peace.
Wow. . . I can’t believe he would have the nerve to send you a request. It just shows that people like this never stop their quest for control and intimidation. Unless he is sick enough to think that all he put you through was only trivial?
I am so grateful for your courage and activism in continuing to write about your experiences. It has helped me. The message that there are people out there who will care, believe, and help is of utmost importance to those of us still in abusive and unhealthy relationships. Thank you for your wonderful messages of hope and healing.
Well, he does think what he does is trivial – he told me once he has a right to, women sometimes need to be knocked around, and he wasn’t going to stop – but he also does nothing accidentally. He is methodical to a fault. As for your situation, please keep in mind that you need to take your own well-being into consideration. I feel posting messages like this can give some the wrong message that safety doesn’t need to kept in mind but I also don’t advocate for shrinking back in silence. Life becomes incredibly small that way. Just remember that if you ever feel doubt or insecure or unsafe when thinking about sharing something, listen to that voice. Your safety is more important than being right. ❤
I am so sorry to hear your abuser has reared his ugly head and made his presence known. They havea tendency to do that, mine makes it an annual event. The last time he tried to charge me with inciting violence against him. The only difference from all the times in the past he tried to stir up shit in my life was this time I had taken my power back and was not going to be bullied any longer.
The cop I talked to said, “Usually when a person is afraid of their abuser they avoid angering him at all costs.” My reply was, “You are right, but I made a promise to myself that if I ever escaped him I would spend the rest of my life speaking out in hopes of saving some other woman from going through what I did.” “The only way anyone my ex knows would know who I was talking about is if he directed them to my blog and everyone I know, knows who I am talking about because I have never been in an abusive relationship before or since him. AND it is the silence of the victims and society that enables domestic abuse to continue.” He agreed.
The cop said, “But he has a right to his privacy”
I agreed, but then asked, “Where is MY right to talk about my life and my experiences?”
The cop also referenced a post where I said almost exactly the same thing as you, “If something ever happens to me everyone will know who is responsible.” I told him, that is not a threat, it is a fact and as long as I don’t die of mysterious causes or violently my ex has nothing to worry about.
The simple act of sending you a friend request just proves how out of touch with reality he is and that is scary. Please watch your back, I would go so far as to advise you to tell the police, just so they are aware.
You have come so far and done so much good, the world is a better place for you being here and sharing your life experiences through your talent for writing.
You are an amazing woman and I admire you mm ore mm than you know!
I really believe he’s not out of touch with reality. Just think that he’s letting me know he’s still there, not that I need any reminders of that. I disagree that he has any rights to privacy. We are expected to give ours up to report and then we are often scolded and mocked for it. I believe that since they choose to engage in abusive behaviors, they, too, should have a face/name put to them. Everything is always so protective OF THE WRONG PEOPLE.
WOW! Your words have left me balling because that is exactly how I fee but because of the injuries he caused the night he assaulted me, I have a hard time forming a comprehensive sentence. Anyway, I was assaulted just once but that once was bad enough. However, I endured 5 years of emotional abuse by my abuser who I believe is a covert narcissist. There’s so much I want to say, but I’m struggling expressing myself. I hope you don’t mind but I am going to reblog your post. My abuser created https://ifzenelse.wordpress.com – He wants me to respond so that he can say I’m stalking him. He treated me like disposable trash and now that he has no control over me, he is trying what always worked before. I was an idiot for…NO. I was not. I loved him with my heart. I am not going to beat myself up for his sadistic behavior. He is sick. Thank you for sharing and your openness. It feels so good and so validating to hear someone else say exactly how I feel. I started my blog because there was no way I was going to be shamed or blamed for what he chose to do. I’m not a talented writer but the support I have found online has gotten me through tough days. There’s many more ahead…again…thank you.
Reblogged this on pRojeCt ME and commented:
Another incredible piece. Thank you Amy! I feel the same exact way. He took a lot from me so there’s no way I’m going to own the shame of the choices he made. He’s evil!