4 comments on “Excuse Me for Declining but…

  1. Wow. . . I can’t believe he would have the nerve to send you a request. It just shows that people like this never stop their quest for control and intimidation. Unless he is sick enough to think that all he put you through was only trivial?

    I am so grateful for your courage and activism in continuing to write about your experiences. It has helped me. The message that there are people out there who will care, believe, and help is of utmost importance to those of us still in abusive and unhealthy relationships. Thank you for your wonderful messages of hope and healing.

    • Well, he does think what he does is trivial – he told me once he has a right to, women sometimes need to be knocked around, and he wasn’t going to stop – but he also does nothing accidentally. He is methodical to a fault. As for your situation, please keep in mind that you need to take your own well-being into consideration. I feel posting messages like this can give some the wrong message that safety doesn’t need to kept in mind but I also don’t advocate for shrinking back in silence. Life becomes incredibly small that way. Just remember that if you ever feel doubt or insecure or unsafe when thinking about sharing something, listen to that voice. Your safety is more important than being right. ❤

  2. I am so sorry to hear your abuser has reared his ugly head and made his presence known. They havea tendency to do that, mine makes it an annual event. The last time he tried to charge me with inciting violence against him. The only difference from all the times in the past he tried to stir up shit in my life was this time I had taken my power back and was not going to be bullied any longer.
    The cop I talked to said, “Usually when a person is afraid of their abuser they avoid angering him at all costs.” My reply was, “You are right, but I made a promise to myself that if I ever escaped him I would spend the rest of my life speaking out in hopes of saving some other woman from going through what I did.” “The only way anyone my ex knows would know who I was talking about is if he directed them to my blog and everyone I know, knows who I am talking about because I have never been in an abusive relationship before or since him. AND it is the silence of the victims and society that enables domestic abuse to continue.” He agreed.
    The cop said, “But he has a right to his privacy”
    I agreed, but then asked, “Where is MY right to talk about my life and my experiences?”
    The cop also referenced a post where I said almost exactly the same thing as you, “If something ever happens to me everyone will know who is responsible.” I told him, that is not a threat, it is a fact and as long as I don’t die of mysterious causes or violently my ex has nothing to worry about.
    He agreed.
    The simple act of sending you a friend request just proves how out of touch with reality he is and that is scary. Please watch your back, I would go so far as to advise you to tell the police, just so they are aware.
    You have come so far and done so much good, the world is a better place for you being here and sharing your life experiences through your talent for writing.
    You are an amazing woman and I admire you mm ore mm than you know!

    • I really believe he’s not out of touch with reality. Just think that he’s letting me know he’s still there, not that I need any reminders of that. I disagree that he has any rights to privacy. We are expected to give ours up to report and then we are often scolded and mocked for it. I believe that since they choose to engage in abusive behaviors, they, too, should have a face/name put to them. Everything is always so protective OF THE WRONG PEOPLE.

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