13 comments on “The Stigma of Depression in Domestic Violence Surivors

  1. I finally quit telling many people about this. My husband caused cptsd. I have depressions and anxiety with it or as a part of it. I know exactly what you are saying. What is crazy when you leave you grieve and cry over the loss compounded by no one wanting to hear it. People like happy people and are drawn to them while avoiding the hurting unless theyu have also gone through a lot. I also cry over the years I lost not knowing why he was like this as he stripped me of all I loved which including being the mom I could have been. I was given advice like a self help book with the themes of: How to converse with your mate, teamwork with your husband, how to be submissive so he will be won. Didn’t they realize when I told them. “I had read and tried it all,” just to listen and stand in support? “No!” Except for a few, it was all blamed on me. I quit church because of it. After I left him, the warrior he had wounded so much did come back out, but it is always a battle. Love your loving and understanding posts. All the best.

  2. thank you for being here. a thought on suicide….what keeps me going some days is the knowledge that if i did that it would be giving him exactly what he wants. hope this helps.

  3. Amy, it has been a couple of years since I have written my blog on WordPress. I came by this post via a link on another website that showed a memory of one of my previous posts. Underneath, was a lovely, understanding comment from you, so I clicked your name and found this. I am so glad I found this post. It has been just what I needed to read. I haven’t posted on here for the very reason you’ve described. Two years ago, when I blogged about the dire state of my marriage and questioned who my husband had become, I faced a horrible backlash – from my friends, his family and total strangers. People that knew him couldn’t separate their perspective from my experience and I received no support in a terrible time. I came off WordPress – the one and only outlet I had because I felt watched, judged all over again. These two years have been hell. Mentally, I’ve struggled. I’ve gone back to some very bad habits and I am low. The lowest and lost I’ve been in a very long time. Your words, they are what I needed to read. I feel all those things, pitied, a burden and totally non-existent. So thank you for reminding me that I’m not. Love and only good wishes, Ros.

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  5. There is such great stigma that shrouds victims of domestic violence. We often feel as though we are left without a voice. We are made to feel so small, and insignificant, that we are to blame. The judgements we face only further compels us into silence. As survivors, we must be the voice for those that feel as though they have none. We must break the silence. I thank you immensely for this article, as well as commend you for your kind, and courageous spirit.

  6. How beautiful and eloquently you wrote your story, your survival and your continued struggles after the abuse. I endured abuse from the time I was born, it continued with my first husband and further continued with my late husband of which we were married for 32 years until his death. I had double reasons for suicide as I have a genetic disease, Celiacs Disease, which has the highest rate of suicide, higher than bipolar. I attempted suicide several times and the only one that put their hand out to save me was G-d. I still struggle with anger I feel towards G-d for saving me to live the cruel life of isolation, depression and silence and to make sure that no one saw what I was subjected to. I was never able to leave until the death of my husband which people who have never suffered from domestic violence understand. I was beaten into a passive/submissive personality which I cannot escape and makes me extremely vulnerable. It was important for me to never and I mean never to let anyone know what I was going through. I raised my last abuser to G-d like status so that the outside world would see him as an incredible man. I have been free and away from abuse for 272 days only to live each day in fear. I write this now in order to begin healing and put my life in perspective. I am very much of a loner in order to protect myself from the kindness of others of which I’m afraid will turn into pity. I’m now 63 years old and have to find my way, at a late age in life, to have some kind of normalcy. I have no advice for anyone as I struggle with the fear of each new day. I don’t have the desire to commit suicide anymore, just the fear of living.

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